I want to get on a train with you. And I want sit in one of those spots where the seats face each other, the kind where I can rest my boot clad feet on the seat next you while we look at each other and I’m smiling because your company makes me giddy. We’d bring a bottle of liquor (or wine), it’s not the most romantic, but I don’t care. We would sit across form one another taking pulls off the bottle, watching the countryside pass by, and making random conversation about unimportant things spotted with bits of banter about things that meant something. Maybe I’d move over to the seat next to you to rest my head on your shoulder in repose as drink creeps through my veins just slowly enough to render apprehension useless. I’m not sure where the train would be going, maybe Bruges, but maybe you’d put my hand in yours until we got there.

Discovering global intoxication
A heat in your skin you cannot shake
Falling stars and rising suns
A new day with the memories you take

I get the feeling that it’s all the same
I get the feeling you haven’t changed

It’s cold in here again
You don’t notice at all

Deleting it makes it easier, she told her. She’s right, you know…

Sometimes pretending like words mean nothing more than words is the best way

He told her that he might come visit, to see what life was like, to make some time

I don’t think she believes him at all, you should see the track record

After all, he never did before, excuses piled on more excuses that eventually got swept beneath the rug

Only so much faith you can put in something that never gets off the ground

I know she’d like it to happen, but it seems slightly dubious, better to not get hopes up

He’s afraid she wants more than he’s willing. Stupid boy, doesn’t get it

But I’ve seen a million misconceptions bred from assumption & misunderstanding

She never wanted to take care of anything, in fact, she hates it more than anything

No one really talks face to face anymore these days, it’s so impersonal. I dare you

With eyes that hold a thousand stories
Spending your time where night turns to morning
You’ve got vigor that burns like the sun
and you belong to no one

You’ve got me captivated
You’ve got me so frustrated
You’ve got me up all night
Wont you let me make you mine

Crossing bridges
Collasping the distance
As long as we don’t stop the further we go

Sometimes I wish my body would defy the laws of gravity
Silently slipping the bonds of reality
Floating off into the ether, distant
Watching the world below everpresent

Take me from this crowded room
Take me to where there is only you
For right now time is all I’ve got.
In this moment, you’re all I want

How you put my mind at ease
You do it, oh, so easily
When you’ve gone, the tempest comes
Reminding me of all you’ve done

I shouldn’t want to stay
I could just walk away
And would you even notice,
I’m gone.

• Jim Beam, Miller Lite, Jameson, Champagne, 2 week old Red Wine, Tequila and Absinthe do not, in any way, no matter how badly you want them to, go together, at all.
• Cleaning up a bathtub full of vomit with a former friend is a excellent way of rekindling that friendship.
• My little brother can out-drink me.

Whatever you’re selling with that smile,
Whatever is hiding behind your eyes,
I’m trying to hard to resist it, to not give into it
Just tell me lies, oh sweet beautiful lies

I never meant for this to happen
I willingly set myself up for a fall
I agreed to walk to the edge and further
I want everything from you and nothing at all.

Indirect answer, little white lie.
I’ve created a secret.
I’m finding it hard to keep it.

I havent shot guns in ages… or seduced anyone in ages for that matter. I should become a spy; Then I could do both… and often.

Leon in Romantic
Appetite whet
Pull you up from
under the water
She’ll make you
turn your head
Double take
Vanilla scented
Hips sway
Knock you down
Clever, cunning
Windswept away

I want to be invisible. I’ve certainly come to the wrong place to accomplish that. A club.

I followed you through the windows
This is your saddest song
I watched how hard you tried
And how we all just carried on

I see everything you’re feeling
Oh how you just couldn’t learn
I heard everything come crashing down
And watched the world around you burn

I felt you trying to hold on
When it was best to let everything go
I knew it would never work out right
But you kept trying to get through some how

This isn’t how happy endings start
We weren’t made for these games
Superficial in everything
and beautiful going up in flames

Sometimes you make me second guess myself. Strange because it’s nothing more than what it is, which isn’t much at all, depending. I get flustered because I can’t tell if I’m annoying you or not, which does seem unlikely anyway. I simply enjoy the company and banter. Then I realise I don’t really care what you think (most of the time). You don’t really judge either way, anyway. It’s just weird that you get inside sometimes without my knowing. Sneaky-sneaky, you dickwad.

I’m not looking for a saviour
there is no staying this call to war
I warned you not to keep coming round
I’m not what you are looking for

into a million pieces
the architect of your own demise
there is nothing I wanted more than
to believe in all of these lies

Everything you found in me
well, It’s just not meant to be
Everything you claim to be
well, It’s just not meant to be

She thought to herself, ‘He’s cute. I’m going to flirt with him.’
And look where it got her. Funny if you think about it.
A chess game on a merry-go-round. She is always one for complex games.

She thought to herself, ‘Wow, you’re nice to look at, and to be around. I like your eyes and your smile, and your teeth. Yes, I like your teeth. I like the way you smell, too. Your skin smells very nice.’

Then she laughed neurotically because it’s silly to take such things with any sense of seriousness.

Gravity gave way to hand drawn dreams etched into her flesh with soft lips under a clear night sky

The cat will claw its way out of the teflon bag of secrets we keep tucked away in even the safest of places

I went to the store on Sunday, I needed bin bags and I probably needed food, but I can’t recall the last time I actually bought groceries. I refilled my prescription (for crazy pills, of course) and made my way to the aisle of household supplies. I then proceeded to deliberate about which kind/brand to get- drawstrings? ties? OPTIONS!!!! More like, needlessly fucking complicated.

I grabbed a box, and took about 10 steps towards the check out. Stopped. Stared pensively at nothing, and decided that “I’ll get them later.” So I turned around and put the box back on the shelf, and walked out of the store.

Who the fuck does that?
I couldn’t be arsed to get the one thing I needed WHILE IT WAS IN MY HANDS! I am so lazy. Wow.

Elusive
Slinking off into the shadows of the night
Dodging headlights
There is a different world inside her eyes
Wolves give chase
But she knows exactly what it takes
To stay safe

Fish and chips for breaky and then watching motorbike circuit races for a good bit. I’m learning. Slowly. But it’s quite an interesting spectacle when you realise what the fuck is actually going on and how skilled you must be to do it. The crashes are intense. I watched someone die basically. “Grim,” as he says.

Weather was so weird. Sunny. Pissing rain. Sunny again. More pissing rain. Calm. More rain. Then it held towards dusk at slightly overcast but calm. All my childlike enthusiasm (or relentless pestering, better put) finally convinced him to put the pillion on so we could out.

Clad in an oversized jacket, a wicked matte white helmet, and gloves about 3 sizes too big we went off. The bike is a fucking beast! Probably at about the first roundabout was the weirdest part because it was the first proper turn and it’s hard to not feel like you’re going to slide off. After that it was cake. I just sat there and held tight when he opened throttle.

It’s such a fucking amazing feeling. Really relaxing and cathartic. Just hauling along the countryside. But at the same time exhilarating and massive adrenaline rushes. The sun was setting a deep vibrant orange to the west and I rested my head into his back and smiled, watching the road scream by beneath us. There was only that moment, nothing else. I forgot what it felt like to be so focused and alive.. and new again.

He did this thing where he’d weave the bike back and forth, it almost felt like being on a boat. I loved it. Relaxing and fun. Pot holes and shoddy road work were in a few spots. When he’d hit some, he’d wobble his head around like a bobble-head toy. Unsure why, but I found that immensely entertaining and laughed each time.

“you’re quite good on it. You just sat there. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Other people don’t and it’s really annoying”

I wanted to go forever. One of those ‘I don’t care where you take me, just keep going’ moments. I absolutely loved it.

No time to pack our things, take our bikes and ride for the setting sun, as the city around us burns, we’ll be taking them on one by one.

And then I had another moment of lucidity and realised how much better off I’ve been. 120 miles an hour makes your head race and your heart beat like never before, things seem a little clearer with the ground moving so fast below and it’s lovely feeling so high as I hold on tight and am nothing else but present in that moment.

I want to carry you around.
Build you up. Break you down.
Into a million little pieces.
That shine in the sun like gold.

I want to get pretty little pictures
all over my body
some to remind of of the wasted nights
some to remind me of you
I want to feel the needle sink in
I want to feel it pierce my flesh
I want to remember what if feels to be alive
even after death
I want to feel what it’s like to hurt again
I want that flood of adrenaline
I want to drive this car right off the road
Into oblivion
I want to look into the mirror and see a pretty story
Tales of knights in shining armor who never had their glory
I want to remember all the endings that came a bit too soon
I want want to recall all the nightmares
and how I put them to bed
I want to know what it’s like to leave it all behind
With raised skin and heart beating
I want to take it all at once
Stay the moment so fleeting

Nothing of substance to put this mind at ease
day after day and still no cure for this disease
pretty little drug will bring you to your knees
a swift kick to the gut and heart between teeth

never again until the next time
safety sought within a fortress of witty remarks
never again until the next time
she can’t keep this up forever
somethings going to break, some things you just can’t shake
on a foggy morning sometimes I can’t tell where I’ve woken up

I’m going to lay on the floor, and have a long think, about everything.
And maybe a good cry, about everything.

Do we attempted to bring order to chaos, or chaos to order? Where in the expanse of mundane and manic does the pendulum swing? Inside out and back again. It’s all as above and so below.