“I bet we met on a playground in another life”
(That will teach you to wipe your nose with my chocolate!)

She looked over in eager agreement, peanut butter cup in mouth, and nodded excitedly. Yeah, that’s our life together. Most people think we might have a very strange living arrangement, I suppose from an outsiders point of view it is. I see nothing odd about it. We live in a one bedroom, the couch is for guests, of whom we have a lot. Whether its weekend ‘custody’ of the little sister, or a myriad of other friends either too drunk to go home or just not inclined to leave our awesome presence. Luckily I have a king sized bed, which is the size of small country with an extra fluffy pillow top mattress, which means I cant even tell I’m sharing a bed with anyone. We have one master key. We also happen to be ninjas. And have managed to evade detection from our landlord for some time. Although, I really think he does know and doesn’t give a shit. He did tell me to sneak my cats into the building since there was a no pet policy when I moved in.

I walked into casa de la onset back in December to find a girl seated atop the counter drinking wine out of a champagne flute. “Hi, you like wine?” “Yes.” “I think we’ll be great friends.” Truer words have never been spoken. I then proceeded to put a half rack of beer on my head and drink wine through a straw out of a steel nalgene. Cease was in complete shock that my head could fit inside a 12-pack. I’ve known this for a long time. Its my secret weapon, when coupled with the boots.
A few dinners and countless glasses of wine (over the next month mind you) and another simple conversation came about.

“I need to move the fuck out of my mom’s house.”
“I need a roommate, its a one bedroom, but you can make a mess and you don’t have to clean it up!”
“Really?”
“Yeah! Move in!”
“You sure? Okay.”

That was that. Sounds irrational, probably poorly planned, but we’ve living happily ever after ever since.
My permanent groupie, she lovingly comes with me everywhere I go, because we create awesome, and I would just look bad without her. We stand in the corner drinking gin & tonic or whatever is cheap. Brooding over bad music and stupid people who seem to come alive in the night, akin to zombies, but with less brain power. Delighted in each others company, we could have fun on a road trip before we ever hit the road. In fact, we do. What do we do on the weekends? Sometimes, Nothing… other times… everything. I’m her biggest fan, we have adventures in life quite constantly. Joint excursions to procure traffic cones and odd assortments of food at random hours of the night. A shared interest in good red wine, intelligent conversation, toilet humor and fantastic music… we’re constantly surpassing our own level of cool, pushing each other to the brink of productive insanity. And sometimes we just like to get drunk and run through the streets yelling “CUNT” as loud as we possibly can… I think that everyone should come a bit unhinged every once in a while. I find it quite liberating. It’s good for you. Being sane all the time, is just well… boring.

“I forgot you hide the peanut butter in the fridge!”

“I’m going to go dodge Green Peace & ACLU”
“I could draw a swastika on your forehead!”