What makes us continually try? Something innate in our personality type that keeps the both of us persuing a (lost?) cause. “I’m bad for you” they say, followed up by “you don’t deserve me,” yet another excuse. We’re not here because there is no other option, we’re here because we want to be, because we choose to be, we chose you. So get over the fact that you don’t think your worth it and man up to the privledge that you have come across. We know our worth, we know what we deserve, and we both know we’re really not getting it either, but for some reason we stay. Not because of a need to be with someone, or be entertained, or to avoid being alone. It’s a conscious choice. So make your choice conscious too… I love you therefor I will DO, I will not try, I will do.

I’m on the brink, on the fence, I am atonamous and self sufficient. I need to start putting more energy back into myself, because that way I will get energy back too. To maintain my wholeness and happiness is paramount because that way, regardless of what happens I will be able to stay the course and remain a whole and seperate entity from anyone and anything around me. I’m all too willing to bend over backwards for even a glimpse of attention, a hint of praise, a whisper of recognition.

If you do this, then I’ll do that. Bullshit. I did this, and there was no that. So now I’m left with my unmet compromise, empty handed and alone in my own space. Like an idiot. If you get your own place, I’ll visit you… cant really help but see the blazing inaccuracy in that statement.

shit… or get off the pot, please. I love you, but I need something stronger. If that is something you’re able to provide than this can work. I will be steadfast, I will be loyal, I will be supportive and kind, I will be the best thing that ever happened to you. If not, I love you and I wish you the best. But I cannot give any more in this condition. I want to, and I keep trying to, and It’s starting to take away every part of me again, and I cannot consciously continue down that road.

I close my eyes on the dance floor and forget about you…
So what do you want and what are you thinking? Isn’t it about time you stuck up for me?
But what you can’t see is we’re under siege, and I only fight because I believe…
This time baby, I’ll be bulletproof…