Listless and unaware. Back on the bench. Men have a difficult time distinguishing feelings from accusations. Can you see that I am human I am breathing I am (perhaps unfortunately) a very, moreso than most, emotionally charged creature. For the majority of my life, I have been, and at times still am, struggling to accept that, and for once, embrace it. It’s not something that I really like “dealing” with either. And I have a hard time saying that I am not sorry that you have a hard time deal with it, you being… whoever. I logically know that it is something that I should not feel sorry for, that it just is.

I cry when I am happy, I cry when I am sad, I cry when I am angry. I laugh when I am happy, I laugh when I’m sad, I laugh when I’m angry. Music makes me cry, a sunset can make my day. A smile can save my world. I have the ability to feel a wide range of emotions. And a (bad?/unlucky?) tendancy to wear my heart on my sleeve. Making me more vulnerable than most to the reactions of others, which never seem to be on the positive side of reception of ones emotions. “stop crying… you have no reason to be feeling this way.” Ending up in complete invalidation of my personal expression and basically saying that I am wrong for feeling whatever I am. Granted this is rooted deeply in myself since before I can probably remember.

I often find myself hating my sensitivity and how much I feel, as no one else seems to think that it could possibly be a good thing except for every-so-often… myself. Where does that leave me? I’m not entirely sure. Coming to the understanding of myself that I need people in my life who understand it… And now realising that they are farther and fewer in between than I had previously thought… And I hope I have found someone who can be there and at least try to understand.