Claustrophobia, techincally the antithesis of agoraphobia. ‘Cabin fever’. Just. Want. Out. Nothing is worse as when you’re ready, able and willing, and the means are not present. Did you hear what I said? Not lately. Shrinking back inside myself because I’m feeling like maybe I’m not interesting enough to be acknowledged. But I know thats absolute shit. Stop treating yourself like that. Just don’t.
It’s a vicious circle and I feel my ego seeping out of every pore. Slinking off. As above. So Below. Invisible. How bad do you want it? I’m feeling very invested and I’m feeling very scared because of it. How much is enough? How much is too much? Fine line, fine balance. Tight rope.
Not enough sleep. Not enough time. I need to do laundry and I suppose just stop whinging about things that are out of my control. I’m not trying to change you. I’m not trying to break you. I’m not trying to do anything but be here now. Perfect imperfections.
My thoughts are always disjointed, up here, out there, and slightly more composed on paper. I seem to constantly say the wrong thing, even I’m trying to say something else. At least I’ve been able to keep cool, impression upon myself the importance of not being able to take back what you’ve said. Just the details, the fine print needs improvement. But what would you be if you were not constantly building upon yourself. Fucking boring, thats what.

I wish I had some exciting story to retell or morsel of valuable information to impart upon anyone (if there is anyone) who reads this. But I unfortunately have commited social suicide as of recent and have been nursing larger hangovers upon my random and undocumented journeys into the ‘scene’ as my liver seems to be failing, or something. So I mostly am seated up on bed, with this laptop propped a top an upsidedown laundry basket, coding dorky internet and design crap (which I love, honestly) or talking to my boyfriend (or just sitting there with him) or… or sleeping… which is rather bullshit because even though I don’t do much I still somehow don’t get enough sleep 🙁 I’m not bitter. I’m just overly exhausted, worn out and would trade all the sushi in the world to have snuggles (thats huge, FYI)…

Anyway I’m brain dead…