poignant
-Eyedea
Shouldn’t open doors you don’t plan to walk through.
-Dessa
-Eyedea
Shouldn’t open doors you don’t plan to walk through.
-Dessa
you are stupid
quit doing this to yourself…
It means it always rains
I had a dream about you last night.
Your sister posted a photo of her and your new bird. Shortly after, a photo of her and I standing in front of that lake we had dinner next to that one night. The night I chased the laser pointer and ended up smacking you in the chest. Sorry about that. The photo was of her and I under an umbrella, the sky was grey and misting, but the trees in the background a vibrant green. My face was partially obscured by the end of the photo.
She commented, ‘Sometimes I really miss her.’
Your response was ‘…Me too, but you know what umbrellas mean, it means it always rains.’
‘You should talk to her’
‘Yeah, I want to. Maybe soon.’
Then your older sister added ‘What? I thought you two had worked your shit out.’
Basically, I am not sure what the hell any of this means, other than it’s the first well remembered dream I’ve had in some time. I see you watching silently in the wings. Anticlimactic. So you’ll either say something soon, or I’m subconsciously hoping you will. But if you do, you probably wont until you find a way to blame me for it later.
October 3rd, 2011
I had another dream about you, yet I’m beginning to liken them more to nightmares the more time passes by. If you’d kindly fuck off on every realm of consciousness I think I’d appreciate that. Two is two too many.
We were in an a house somewhere near where you live. Barely furnished, and the sun was down. There was an older sofa in the living room having a stand off with a 70’s style tube tv on a small entertainment center. Two lamps dimly illuminated the room to reveal something along the lines of a massage table in the back left corner.
You’d picked me up from somewhere because I’d needed you and we’d laid down on the sofa together to watch some irrelevant tv program. You had your arms around me. Then you abruptly left to the other side of the room without an explanation and went to bed, leaving me there alone in a strange room. Refusing to respond to any inquiry as to why you weren’t staying on the sofa, pretending to be asleep. I remember being angry and feeling vulnerable.
I was irritated when I woke up. Thanks for ruining that morning, shithead.
Electric Daisies
“It may have been her… I was high on coke and she looked skinnier at the time…”
Riot
I feel unnecessarily bitter about being sacked off like that. Just like the promised call awaited by a silent phone, which I know will never come. Or the empty promise of “I’ll be better,” that ended in a cold shoulder, again. The moments of “What the fuck am I doing with my life” seem to come at more frequent intervals and the sound of the refridgerator echos in my head. The Battle of the fear of never amounting to anything against the fear of succeeding is exhausting and I’m left suspended in a vacuum void of all but my last breaths. The war waged inside my head mimicks a peaceful chaos, like the very moments before a bomb drops.
So where do I go from here. Tonight; to bed.
Older sh*t
A bunch of older shit….
I see you casting shadows
Playing tricks on my mind
I’m suffocating in the shallows
of what you left behind
Where did we go wrong
This shouldn’t be so hard to see
I guess this means I should move on
But you’re making this hard for me