I want to be invisible. I’ve certainly come to the wrong place to accomplish that. A club.

I followed you through the windows
This is your saddest song
I watched how hard you tried
And how we all just carried on

I see everything you’re feeling
Oh how you just couldn’t learn
I heard everything come crashing down
And watched the world around you burn

I felt you trying to hold on
When it was best to let everything go
I knew it would never work out right
But you kept trying to get through some how

This isn’t how happy endings start
We weren’t made for these games
Superficial in everything
and beautiful going up in flames

Sometimes you make me second guess myself. Strange because it’s nothing more than what it is, which isn’t much at all, depending. I get flustered because I can’t tell if I’m annoying you or not, which does seem unlikely anyway. I simply enjoy the company and banter. Then I realise I don’t really care what you think (most of the time). You don’t really judge either way, anyway. It’s just weird that you get inside sometimes without my knowing. Sneaky-sneaky, you dickwad.

I’m not looking for a saviour
there is no staying this call to war
I warned you not to keep coming round
I’m not what you are looking for

into a million pieces
the architect of your own demise
there is nothing I wanted more than
to believe in all of these lies

Everything you found in me
well, It’s just not meant to be
Everything you claim to be
well, It’s just not meant to be

She thought to herself, ‘He’s cute. I’m going to flirt with him.’
And look where it got her. Funny if you think about it.
A chess game on a merry-go-round. She is always one for complex games.

She thought to herself, ‘Wow, you’re nice to look at, and to be around. I like your eyes and your smile, and your teeth. Yes, I like your teeth. I like the way you smell, too. Your skin smells very nice.’

Then she laughed neurotically because it’s silly to take such things with any sense of seriousness.

Gravity gave way to hand drawn dreams etched into her flesh with soft lips under a clear night sky

The cat will claw its way out of the teflon bag of secrets we keep tucked away in even the safest of places

I went to the store on Sunday, I needed bin bags and I probably needed food, but I can’t recall the last time I actually bought groceries. I refilled my prescription (for crazy pills, of course) and made my way to the aisle of household supplies. I then proceeded to deliberate about which kind/brand to get- drawstrings? ties? OPTIONS!!!! More like, needlessly fucking complicated.

I grabbed a box, and took about 10 steps towards the check out. Stopped. Stared pensively at nothing, and decided that “I’ll get them later.” So I turned around and put the box back on the shelf, and walked out of the store.

Who the fuck does that?
I couldn’t be arsed to get the one thing I needed WHILE IT WAS IN MY HANDS! I am so lazy. Wow.

Elusive
Slinking off into the shadows of the night
Dodging headlights
There is a different world inside her eyes
Wolves give chase
But she knows exactly what it takes
To stay safe

Fish and chips for breaky and then watching motorbike circuit races for a good bit. I’m learning. Slowly. But it’s quite an interesting spectacle when you realise what the fuck is actually going on and how skilled you must be to do it. The crashes are intense. I watched someone die basically. “Grim,” as he says.

Weather was so weird. Sunny. Pissing rain. Sunny again. More pissing rain. Calm. More rain. Then it held towards dusk at slightly overcast but calm. All my childlike enthusiasm (or relentless pestering, better put) finally convinced him to put the pillion on so we could out.

Clad in an oversized jacket, a wicked matte white helmet, and gloves about 3 sizes too big we went off. The bike is a fucking beast! Probably at about the first roundabout was the weirdest part because it was the first proper turn and it’s hard to not feel like you’re going to slide off. After that it was cake. I just sat there and held tight when he opened throttle.

It’s such a fucking amazing feeling. Really relaxing and cathartic. Just hauling along the countryside. But at the same time exhilarating and massive adrenaline rushes. The sun was setting a deep vibrant orange to the west and I rested my head into his back and smiled, watching the road scream by beneath us. There was only that moment, nothing else. I forgot what it felt like to be so focused and alive.. and new again.

He did this thing where he’d weave the bike back and forth, it almost felt like being on a boat. I loved it. Relaxing and fun. Pot holes and shoddy road work were in a few spots. When he’d hit some, he’d wobble his head around like a bobble-head toy. Unsure why, but I found that immensely entertaining and laughed each time.

“you’re quite good on it. You just sat there. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Other people don’t and it’s really annoying”

I wanted to go forever. One of those ‘I don’t care where you take me, just keep going’ moments. I absolutely loved it.

No time to pack our things, take our bikes and ride for the setting sun, as the city around us burns, we’ll be taking them on one by one.

And then I had another moment of lucidity and realised how much better off I’ve been. 120 miles an hour makes your head race and your heart beat like never before, things seem a little clearer with the ground moving so fast below and it’s lovely feeling so high as I hold on tight and am nothing else but present in that moment.