I got everything I need to do today done before 1pm… Now I’m sitting here and the clock is nearing 4 and I’m wondering what the fuck to do with myself. Maybe go get stuck in traffic. I’m bored with having one sided conversations laced with the occasional one word to one sentence response. It’s really getting on my nerves. I’ll just fuck off until you have someone to say I suppose. Otherwise I feel like a nagging cunt. And no one likes that…

For a while I was always invited to work on projects, it seemed something that was a mutual interest and of mutual benefit to boot. But now I sense that slow and steadily fading away, I’m either a hassle or without benefit or something. Perhaps I have this fear that most are just using me for something. After that, thats been a theme, innit? My previous relationship, my previous “best friend” (which I don’t use the term anymore, “best” friend just is odd terminology anyhow – and apparently rather meaningless) and not to mention the housemate from hell. Hardly what I would call symobiotic and mutually beneficial relationships. But I digress. Point is, I dont feel that wanted sometimes. And it sucks.

As trivial as it sounds – and here goes nothing – you don’t post on my facebook at all anymore, nor comment on anything I post on yours (I reckon this last time was a fluke of some sort), you don’t respond to my emails hardly ever, nor a text message when it seems like you’d always been the one instigating all that in the past. You only call when you’re driving and you only ever drive 10 minutes away most of the time, so I get a good 5 minutes on the phone some days. You rarely say I love you, only after I’ve said it first. But I’m not going to mention any of this to you, becasue I’ve said it once and it doesn’t bear repeating. I’ve said my piece and am relenquishing the need to beat a dead horse. So I’ll spill it here, elsewhere, and your wandering eyes will or wont find it eventually.

I should draw in the sketch book he got me, but I’m sure it will just turn out shit… I dont want to ruin it by fucking up the first page… sort of a thing I have… I dont want to start any projects that I’ll have to pick up and move in the next week. I’ve already got loads of unfinished projects lying around. I want to drive somewhere, but I can’t be aimlessly driving about when I’m trying to save money… fucked… hooves. Plain and simple.