Oh thats right, you’ve not asked. No repsonse to my email from last night, could have deleted it for all I know… Happy? No, not really. Why? Lot’s of reasons, none that you care to ask about. Or help seek solution to. I’ve exhausted all my resources and options, and here I am, same spot that I was before. Do I like have “those talks”? Fuck no. Did I think it would help? Hopefully. Easy solutions seem so hard, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why… If you have time to banter with other people and respond online, and reply to txts so on and so forth, why is it so god damn hard for you to take 15 seconds of your busy schedule to ask about me. I’m just as present as anyone else.

I. Want. To. Feel. Wanted. It is honestly that simple. There is no ambiguosity within that statement; no obscure meaning hidden within its depths. An ever shortening acceptable vocabulary that I’m allowed to use. An undeterminded amount of time for your arrival. Numb. I miss my friend… I miss having someone who cared about the trivial shit in my life, who asked about it, who wanted to know about it. I miss having someone repsond to my emails, ask me about me, and not be so egocentric – always telling me about them. Breaking breaking broken heart. Pain makes you stronger right? This is pathetic, I am pathetic.

I am… hanging on because… I hope it will get better, but there are no signs of it. A catalyst for the whole is the coming week, and the past month. My utter stressing of the fact that it is VITALLY important for me and us that I know of a plan to see you next. And have you don’t anything to assure my comfort on that level. No. You are not an expense to me, flights and other financial investments of this relationship are the same as paying off my car, or student loans, or buying groceries, there isn’t anything extra, I do it because it is a neccesity, and I don’t think twice about it. It’s just as important as car insurance, of flyers, or paint. And the lack of effort on your part makes me feel like I don’t matter, the blantant disregard for how important seeing you is to me cuts deep. It’s not that difficult to make plans, to buy a ticket, to make the effort. Fuck, you’re putting Go’s ticket in your pocket, but I’m not important enough to make that kind of investment… TRY HARDER. Please. Or just tell me you don’t have the want/desire/drive/motivation/emotioanl investment to do it. If you don’t care then don’t… just stop making excuses and be real with yourself so you can be real with me…