I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m hurt. I’m frustrated. I want to cry. And I also want to scream. I guess I’m doing a pretty good job of feeling all these things at once. I would really like to feel close to them, but I just never seem to find a way to. Favourites only sucks when you’re on the losing end I suppose. I’m resentful… I’m alone. Black sheep, its nothing new. It’s whatever, they’re not going to get it. I’m constantly in a state of having to prove that I’m not making “bad” or “irresponsible” decisions. Even with rationale explained, substantiated and proved, it’s still wrong and not good enough. Achievments are constantly overlooked and negative facets put under a microscope, and blown into epicly and needlessly large porportions…

I hate holidays, thanksgiving and christmas and all that [family] crap. Would have been nice to be in England and not have to celebrate it… ‘We wish you could be here’… I don’t know where I wish I could be… Reckon I’d feel just at home alone, as I would anywhere else..

I’m tired, I’m sick, I’m worn out, this distance shit is weighing heavily on me lately… Every time it gets harder and harder to go and I’d give just about anything for one minute more. It sucks. The one place I feel like I belong, could stay a while and not drift endlessly in the sea of life as I so often do, and its constantly so far away. Stay strong, don’t show weakness, don’t cry – It’s not attractive, and you want to be pretty, right?

…And then as always, I hit a brick wall, and have nothing else to say…