I’m shakey, my heart is racing. As if its going to pump its way out of my chest and die on the floor in front of me. I feel like I am going to throw up… I haven’t felt this way in quite sometime. Nor have I felt the way I do about another person with such intensity in ages. I always sound like a fool with the cliche as “words do no justice.” But they do ring true.

It’s a frustrating thing to realise that anothers feelings and emotions are the one thing I do not have control over. Everything else is free will and a conscious decision. I feel misunderstood. I feel like I’m at a ‘geographical’ disadvantage (yes, again), but this time with a necessity and strong desire to remidy the situation. I may not know much about some things, but when I feel like I do, I know that it’s something worth fighting for. Risk vs. reward. Risk being, money, travel, time, emotions. Reward being an awesome guy, who will do awesome things in life with me, beacuse I am also awesome. I have a hard time accepting “it’s too far” for an answer. If you’re in, baby then I’m in…

I’m a firm believer in the statement “you make time for the things you love.” That if something or someone is worth it, you’ll try hard enough and limit a defeatest attitude and whatever negativity gets in your way… I’m also a firm believer that you love someone for their imprefections as well as their perfections. You’re stubborn and it drives me nuts, but I also love it because you’re strong in your choices and you don’t back down.

But this situation feels as if you’ve walked up to a big wall, said “I can’t get over it, fuck it” and turned around and walked back home… and it hurts because I was really hoping you’d be the guy who said “I’m not going anywhere” and actually for once, mean it. That would have been really great, and I AM (yes, still) very interested to see what we could become… Isn’t the potentail of greatness and love worth the risk over something that is only an idea hanging in the balance… Good things are worth having, great things are worth fighting for…

…Brugge…