in most cases, compartmentalizing is a negative thing that I strive to avoid, but if I could just for once, just once get a grip on these feelings that I have flying around this head of mine and segregate them to their respective time frames things would go much easier. Now is not then, that is not now, he isn’t who that guy was, and that guy is not him. And then? And then? And then? And then? No, no and then. Done. Carry on. “I really like you, a lot” No you don’t, what crap is that. is the ill formed though process that instinctively rears its ugly head. Let go. Separate. I want nothing more than to hear it and believe it without second guessing that I’m good enough, or not an inconvenience. Welcome to club fail 2 weeks and counting. I’ve never met anyone like him. And I hope I’ve not drug this long enough out that there might still be something left to salvage. Let me get lost on a thin line of hope and carried through to the night stars, the halogen lights flicker above the baseball field as the small bits of gravel stick to my hands and legs nestled into the astro-turf on the pitchers mound. A kitten, a puppy, dodge ball. Dodge this. I’m a good shot. Hip hop and bassline flowed through the air from blown computer speakers that were situated in a shopping cart next to a mac laptop. The night smelled of sweat and rubber. Cool enough to provide relief from the hot hot summer day. We basked in the street lights casting shadows that trailed off into the darkness behind. War stories of growing up, times purposely forgotten, camaraderie & strength. A past full of darkness isn’t as bad when you’re standing in light. “Thank you.” I hate being weak. Suddenly the lights extinguished our conversation and we left the way we came.