Spork
Spork: I know this day seems inadequate margaret
Spork: But just imagine if your hands fell off
Spork: THEN how bad would it be?
Spork: LIKE WAY WORSE.
Spork: Imagine they fell off
Spork: And then ran up your leg
Spork: And no amount of kicking could remove them
Spork: Or if they fell off but when upwards and hit the ceiling
Spork: And exploded in a massive cacophony of zings and rotten salad
sexsalad: hahaha
Spork: Then
Spork: It would be a bad day
Spork: You would remember that one
Spork: The day my hands fell off
sexsalad: thank you jon for always putting things in such creative perspective for me

Me
hahaha
thats creepy yet oddly funny.

Spork
Spork: Also it would be a sad day for me
sexsalad: why?
Spork: Because all your aims would be stump-bashes on the keyboard
sexsalad: haha
sexsalad: yes that’s true
Spork: What if your hands fell off
Spork: Packed and left
Spork: And then signed on using wolfgirl kills
Spork: And started abusing you on AIM
Spork: And hitting up your friends
Spork: And you were powerless to respond
Spork: Just stump whacking
sexsalad: that would be terrible!
Spork: While being insulted by your own hands
sexsalad: a fate worse than death I dare say

Me
my god, hahahaha
please turn that into a movie some how

Spork
This is the sort of imagery normally restricted to my dreams

Me
attack of the incorrigible hands

Spork
My friend marcus had a great one

Me
you dream about escaping limbs and internet insult wars.

Spork
That he was set the task of skewering a boiled egg with a lance

Me
and the end result was….

Spork
Apparently he had a GUI with a healthbar and everything
I think a lot of frustration
A lance Jess
Can you imagine

Me
sounds damn near impossible
my god, I cannot hit the right keys to save my life today. Typing is taking forever.
was he in any way successful at some point?

Spork
Marcus?
I dunno
At what?
Are you trying to read his egglance dream?
Mystic Jess

Me
well its rather anti climactic if you don’t know if he was successful or not
I was expecting it to end with a rampage of wild squirrels somehow.

Spork
Hmm squirrels
I will let you know in the next conversation

Me
Fabulous.
I’ll be on the edge of my set until then, racking my brain in anticipation

Spork
I’d be careful
Set edges can be sharp
And you do not want cutbutt.

Me
I’d hope not
It would be highly annoying AND unattractive
quite possibly apocalyptic

Spork
the dangers of sitting on the edge of your set

Me
I’ll include you in the memior.
About how you warned me
And as a stupid american, I neglected to heed your advise.
advice* even
or I might just find a way to blame you

Spork
injury by set for not heeding advise

Me
sounds like a whole lot less typing
and given my track record with typographical errors. I think that might just be the best route

Spork
The world is burning
Margarets hands have fallen off
You’ve sat on something sharp

Me
One of four horsemen just flew by my window.

Spork
Was he skinny?

Me
I assume the 2nd is outside yours and the third is probably near Margaret. Signaling impending doom.
Nah, he looked rather fat. Like Santa, but a bit more demonic.

Spork
My one is outside requesting cheezburgerz

Me
Well give one to him!

Spork
hell no
If I had burgers

Me
you’d have inhaled them already

Spork
I dont even have to do that anymore
I just scowl

Me
you do a good scowl. You might frighten him off.

Spork
How could you’ve seen my scowl
I don’t think you’ve ever made me angry as yet

Me
Nah, I’m typically not trying either.

Spork
Well
Aside from that time I was going to kill you in your sleep
But that whole plan was so ill-formed
And the hole I’d dug was the wrong length

Me
Blood stains on your sheets. Messy clean up and a hard explanation of where your house guest went.
you thought I’d be fatter.
American and all

Spork
Sheets are white
I would’ve gone for a good old fashioned smothering

Me
You’re not strong enough

Spork
We already deduced you couldn’t fight
I was researching

For impending murderz

Me
Haha
You already admitted to not killing things.

Spork
then, Jess on a rope, lowered out the window
Saves dragging you through the house
You dont count

Me
Getting drunk over a frog. You would be mortified if I died. and subsequently very very very drunk
I count more than you realise

Spork
Not if it was a murderz
Although you might haunt me

Me
I would

Spork
Which would suck

Me
yeah
terrible

Spork
yeah what?

Me
shut it.

Spork
What you gonna do ghosty?

Me
I’d move things around your room
it would drive you mad
thinking you’ve kept misplacing things
Finding transformers in the dishwasher and toilet

Spork
I think I already have that one

Me
You haven’t found a transformer in the dishwasher yet.
The robot painting would just follow you around where you went.

Spork
Would that be your one trick?

Me
No. I am allowed to have at least 7

Spork
I have a ghost that puts all my robots in the dishwasher
Its killing me

Me
No, thats for starters
for fun.
What you YOU do if you were a ghost haunting someone
aside from piss in their sock drawer
god knows you + socks just don’t agree

Spork
Id turn your face in every mirror into that of someone you loved most, with you gouging their eyes out while they screamed, confused and bloody

Me
sounds delightful
I think its already been done before though
quite unoriginal if you ask me
There’s got to be creative forms of haunting locked up there in that brain of yours

Spork
Or perhaps kill your cats
And turn them into puppets

Me
you would never

Spork
Then make them comically hump eachother

Me
thats like killing kelli’s cousin.
they spoon already. CLose enough

Spork
Haha
Nah

Me
Nyoko read that. Quite offended now.

Spork
I’d probably just hang out

Me
Haha

Spork
Maybe try on your shoes
Draw on myself with sharpie

Me
please do
or both at the same time
use a krink pen instead.
the results would be better.

Spork
maybe at a stretch hide cat poop in your sock drawer
But apologise for it later

Me
I might accept the apology
you’d have to be drawing on yourself while you apologies
wearing my 7″ stacks
THEN, and only then, might I forgive you
I guess it depends on how recent the poo was… but still… that’s beside the point.

Spork
Apologised?

Me
yeah

Spork
Sounds kind of sadistic

Me
that too
its not sadistic if you thought of it first.

Spork
You painted that picture thankyou
Jess ‘dominatrix’ Pace

Me
didn’t we already go over that while you were in Russia or Czech or somewhere.

Spork
Uh oh
Reocurring theme
GASP
Im shocked and appauled
And also
I can barely see
Seeing as my brain crapped out about an hour ago

Me
my awesome blinded you
hahah

Spork
I think my eyes are beginning to follow suit
SHES SO AWESOME

Me
you can type with them closed, I’m sure. Haha

Spork
Going to try now
Here we go
Think its going alright so far

Me
ruh roh

Spork
Wibder how this will look when I open them….

Me
thats all you have?
haha

Spork
Haha
Widber!
Well

Me
widber! fantastic

Spork
That was a goood effort
I think

Me
Somewhat
I think we need a longer trial run to see how you really fare
I thought you would do much worse to be honest.

Spork
Alright, well Ill try and do this whole thing where I just type and type and tpye and keep going, and see how it comes out. Im probably onto line 2 by now, although cant be sure – still seem to feel like Im getting things right, not lost orientation, although havving my eyes shut this long is starting to make me quite sleepy
AHA

Me
Jon for the win
impressive
Kind of

Spork
Well seeing as I touch type anyway
I guess its pretty nominal
It just feels weird if anything
Im sure you could do it too

Me
yeah
its easy

Spork
Yeah what?

Me
god damnit
you missed one earlier

Spork
I let you off

Me
How sweet

Spork
10)% sugar

Me
Making me all away of my stupid american diction.

Spork
*100
Aware?

Me
fuck
yes
that word too.
“sure” “what the hell do you mean SURE! DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT!”

Spork
Its so indecisive

Me
I know. I actual hate when people say ‘sure’ to me. Quite hypocritical. But thanks to you I became hyper aware and fixed said issue. Haha

Spork
Columbus do you want to try and discover some new land or something
‘…sure’
‘Hey nasa we’re thinking of hitting up the moon, Aldrin you in?’

Me
Well given he wasn’t first anyway, he probably did say “sure”

Spork
‘….sure’
Hey jess you fancy fish and chips?

Me
YES!

Spork
FUCKING RIGHT I DO MATE ITS ON LIKE ARISTON

Me
Exactly

Spork
I had fish n chips today
Now Im dying though

Me
Alright, from here on out, my reaction to questions of yours will contain mass amounts of enthusiasm even when not necessary.
too greasy?

Spork
Really?

Me
YES!
ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!

Spork
Nice
Nah I just want more

Me
Yeah, I haven’t had proper fish and chips since up in Ware. Disappointing.

Spork
Weeak

Me
I’m getting off the airplane and heading to find some straight away.

Spork
Id recommend leaving the airport
For a better standard

Me
Good call.

Spork
Also would recommend waiting until the airport has flown and landed

Me
airports can fly?!

Spork
Wow
I just went off into some sort of lucid trip

Me
how was it?

Spork
My brain is requesting immediate reboot so updates can be installed
Hmm
Pink
it was pink

Me
Get out of my hair

Spork
Haha
The hair is a strong look
Anyway

Me
Its amazing.

Spork
To nod’s land
I go

Me
Enjoy

Spork
Post haste

Me
Get to bed silly man.
sleep well hunn.

Spork
Hah yeah I thought you’d add something nicer
Fucking silly man
Was about to GO OFF
You’re lucky

Me
Skirted death once again!

Spork
*shakes enraged finger*

Me
muahahaha

Spork
Death in a skirt?

Me
its rude to point
Death is a cross dresser

Spork
Maybe in seattle
Right
Im out
*points*
HAH
lat0r

***I am also, abso-fucking-lutely daft because at NO point in the conversation did I catch that I had typed “set” instead of “seat” and had it repeated back to me on multiple occasions. Stupid.***