I worked at the club tonight… it was a memorial for this guy Troy that I’d met a few times. He was beat to death in downtown Seattle after accidentally hitting a girl in the face. “Rumor has it” there was an altercation between two men and Troy, they got physical and when Troy swung, said women stepped in the way and was accidentally hit. The opposing men proceeded to beat the living hell out of him and as far as I know he was then in a medically induced coma in ICU until he passed about a week later…

I remember the last time I’d seen him, almost exactly a year ago on my birthday. We’d gotten fucked the night before, still up, and it was beautiful and sunny out… I wanted to go outside but I refused to put on my tennies. Troy offered a piggy back ride, I accepted and thus rode around on his back for a good 10 – 15 minutes in the morning sunshine. We chatted. It was comfortable. I told him I thought he was a fucking prick the first time I met him, but that he seemed alright now. And that was that.

I’m sad because no one should ever have to die in such a way. I have a hard time dealing with the death of people I know, even if it’s not a close connection, its still affecting… He was a lot more creative than I was aware, and in photos that were placed around the club (not the photos of him off his tits) but the REAL photographs, it conveyed a part of him that was a bit more obscure, a bit more gentle and real. Not upset I never got to know him better than I did, but I could tell that there were a lot of heavy hearts there tonight. A lot of sadness. Also a lot of fucked up people who had no other idea of how to cope, I thought it quite lame.

That aside, I’m fucking pissed, I found out he has an 11 year old son. So fuck him for being out every weekend, fuck him for being out at after hours night clubs getting twacked out on glass and whatever else came his way. Fuck him for not being a responsible father and spending the weekends with his son to form a relationship that would be paramount to his son’s growth as a person. You were thirty-fucking-seven years old man… fuck you for not growing up and realizing that you have a responsibility to your CHILD to be a proper role model and set the bar for them in their life and interactions with others. Fuck you to hell. When you have a kid, your life as you know it changes. New flash, fucking twats. Grow up.

I was happy that there were so many people who came to support and appreciate his life, I could on some level, but nothing as intimate as the many who were there. It was nice to see that people can rally for support and a good cause. Shitty to see something has to come to this to bring people together.

It was an interesting mix of emotions that I encountered tonight. Fine and carrying on my merry way as a cocktail waitress in a shitty night club at first, almost brought to tears at another point, pissed off and fuming at another, and emotionally satisfied by the appreciation of people for another ones life. Still, I’m rather disappointed. I find it selfish. I hope I don’t turn out like that.

I should be in bed. Good to work and make some money. But I have class tomorrow. Met an interesting man tonight as well. A friend of Shannon’s. We all sat at the table inhaling smoked salmon as if we’d not eaten in months. Talking shit back and forth and inventing new words such as “Pook” and insinuating slightly racial insults at any given opportunity. Carlos, but he doesn’t speak Spanish.

This salmon isn’t sitting well….
PS.. I got my fill of cheese and then some. I don’t think that is sitting well either… Ughh.