Okay, so the title wasn’t supposed to be that dramatic, but I couldn’t think of anything else and I suppose that it IS, in fact, a very monumentous moment for me.
It was this moment, that started the beginning of the rest of my life, so to speak. My choice and sole decision to make a move and do something different. Just over 4 months later I have completely altered the path that I have chosen, in a very drastic way, and I couldn’t be happier.

 

Word of the Day

(Dictionary.com)

Thursday January 1, 2009

wanderlust

/ WON-der-luhst /, noun:
a strong desire to wander or travel
(Serendipitous!)

I find lately that I am just going through the motions of my life. Doing the things I “need” to do b/c of just that: I NEED to do them. Frankly, I find that dehumanizing and very lackluster and not representing the person that I know I am. Bouts of insecurity drenched in self loathing seem to be more consistent and eating away at the foundation of myself. Within recent days and a profound conversation with a dear friend of mine, I have come to realize a lot of things about myself, and also come to the understand that there is a whole lot that I don’t know about myself or have forgotten. I’ve finally been able to come to terms with the idea that I am partially comprised of less than desirable traits as well as thought patterns. I feel that it is time to actually *do* something about it rather than just hoping that eventually a solution to things will present itself and things will “magically” fall back into place. (Puzzles don’t put themselves together: Idiot) In my local surroundings I find that external influences are much too pervasive for the time being, and I am unable to sift through other peoples opinions and “advice” to uncover my own.

With all that to reflect upon, I’ve taken it upon myself to make efforts to “fix” these “problems.” Finding solace in solitude. I’m a firm believer that it is easiest find yourself in the dark. So…. I’ll be leaving for Paris on the 3rd. Why Paris? I’m not quite sure. My passport has been giving me a come hither gaze for some time now and my wanderlust has gotten to a point of insatiable. I also like the slight irony of being in the “City of Love” completely alone. Perhaps I’ll be able to fall back in love with myself while I’m there. Its the farthest place away that I can afford to go (if by afford, I mean willing to rack up on my credit card). I don’t know any French. Well…. rather, I know…. “Hello”/”Goodbye”/”I am tired”/the word “cheese” & “I am a little cat.” I’ve been warned to avoid using “cheese” & “cat” in the sentence.

I find it rather romantic to be wandering around a city… country I’ve never been to; no phone, no computer, just me. I’m looking forward to losing myself for hours upon hours in the Louvre and wandering aimlessly through Paris streets have no idea what conversations are being had around me. The idea of being under the ocean for 2+ hours on a train going 190+ MPH scares the hell out of me yet I am confident that I will be overcome with my curiosity to know how it feels. Hopefully by this drastic change of being thrown out of my comfort zone for a bit, into considerable jet lag and complete social alienation I’ll be able to find a little piece of myself again.

With all that being said, if you happen to be in Paris (or London) or a Surrounding area with ample/easy access to either of those places, perhaps I could be talked into a cup of tea or a non-conventional “tour” of said area.

Cheers to the Journey Inward….