A movie theater. The location? I’m unsure of. A suburban area with nicely trimmed and cared for hedges along the cement sidewalk. There were 5 of us… Jon, Aker, someone who’s name was not mentioned but I’m inclined to assume was Dan, the stateside one. Myself and one other female (Carlee perhaps? The name Annie comes to mind, which is odd. No one I’ve met before).
It was night time so everything had a purple-ish tint aside from the streetlights that shone brightly throughout, lighting up the scenes. Inside the movie theater we were not watching a movie, there wasnt even one playing. We were all just standing amidst the aisles; talking, joking… I recall seeing a large soda posted on the arm rests of one of the rows of seats. he was wearing a green zip-up outer jacket with a grey hoodie underneath, nice fitting jeans. Aker was clad in what he wore in the photograph of him and Jon molesting some poor dogs (giant, orange and stuffed, mind you) at some bar stateside. I can recall what Dan or the other girl was wearing, nor myself.
We made our way from inside the theater through the emergency exit doors and out into the street at the back of the theater. Milling and joking around, our interactions were reserved yet flirty, eye contact was a constant, the occasional “push” as a satirical insult or jest was exchanged.
…I recall nothing more…

During my nap today… Carlee came home… I was in the bed and she said “I’ll be back later” I heard her laugh, must have been because I was in all my clothes from my aimless and pointless walk around the block. Then since I was laying atop a made bed she flipped the covers on either side of me up and over, and then places a towel/blanket (?) on top of those. While she was on her side of the bed -the way I was facing- to move the blankets over me could see her with my eyes closed. And now on to the next again…

I was at my Aunts house, but it wasn’t my Aunts house. The kitchen led to a laundry room right past the den on the right if you were exiting the kitchen. Past the Laundry room was the from entrance and the stairs to the second level. The living/reception area was to the right of the stairs over the breakfast bar. Two pastel green couches and a coffee table decorated the room with a fire place in the corner. I think the walls were red (My townhouse had red walls and a fireplace in the corner). Up the stairs you’d turn around and down the hall into a bedroom, I can’t recall the rest of the layout from the upstairs. In the bedroom there was a desk with a computer and a bed with a light blue and faded yellow striped comforter. The den downstairs was a darker room, Oak furniture with a bookcase on the outside wall right after the window. Placed in the corner. On the joining wall was an oak desk with yet another computer on it… Dark red/brown walls. I recall forest green encyclopedia books and the like being on the bookshelf. There was a lamp too, it was not on…
Prior to entering the house I was with Tom and I needed to pick up my calcium vitamins because I had run out. We were in Utah, Park City to be exact so I made him drive to the Albertsons. I told him to wait in the car as I would just be a moment. When I went to check out at the customer service desk, they rang up to be $90 dollars. In Utah in my dream apparently, there was a $20 added fee for ANYTHING USDA certified, as well as another $9.50 fee for purchasing vitamins if you were under the age of 32. The bottle was $40, even though I recalled it being less. I had him go over the details of all the added fees and decided I would buy them at home in Seattle and left. I still had some left anyway.
We then arrived at this house… and I came up to to bedroom to take my vitamins with a glass of soy milk. Tom was at the computer and then right as I went to take the pills and drink he started jumping on the bed and shaking me and laughing all the while. I started choking on the water/pills and was unable to say anything to make him stop. I tried to get away but he kept on jump. Finally, as a last resort I threw my glass and the remaining liquid at him and took off running towards the stairs. I fled down the steps into the kitchen coughing and sputtering to pour myself a glass of water to try and regain my breath and get the pills down. He came running down the stairs with a scared look on his face and I yelled at him “Fuck you! I don’t do that when I am taking my fucking vitamins! You almost killed me!” I was furious and then proceeded to throw the contents of my glass at him again. What came out of a pint glass turned into a bucket sized amount of water and soaked him.
His eyes turned read and he started screaming at me “DONT YOU EVER FUCKING THROW WATER ON ME AGAIN!!” I think I tried to run past him and he grabbed me and threw me to the ground “CLEAN THIS UP!” and he walked into the den to get on the other computer (games or something counter productive I assume). I found a few wash clothes and began to soak up the spilt water, not because he screamed at me to do so, but because it was not my house and I didn’t want to mess up anyone elses home. He somehow came down the stairs and began to yell at me again “USE PAPER TOWELS! YOU’RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!”
I looked at him and responded “fuck you, that’s wasteful, don’t tell me what the fuck to do, I’m cleaning it up my way!” He then again walked into the den. I managed to find more wash clothes and map up the rest of the mess then went upstairs into another bedroom that was at the top of the steps. It was more a toy room than anything. Mud was covering the floor by the toy trains so I proceeded to clean up the mess as best I could. I hurried down the stairs with muddy dripping towels. Tom yelled at me again for making such a mess. I once again told him to fuck off and continued on my task of putting them into the washer in the laundry room. The lid was big and didn’t have a stop so it hit the wall when I opened it. And then I once again recall no more.

The first dream I could see relating to the present circumstances now. His friends know me, or at least about me to my knowledge, yet my friends don’t really know about him. Aker was dressed the way he was from the picture and if I recall Jon was dressed similarly from that photo as well. But with shorter hair (like it is now) and not wearing a hat. Dan… I’ve only heard of and seen snippits of conversation between him and Jon. Annie… if that was even her… is an ex he’s mentioned so I am not quite sure how she fits in there. Perhaps an ex (maybe not even her, could have been the most recent one to be honest – I didn’t see her face) is still present. His breakup was ‘recent’ so to speak. The setting was casual, nothing too formal, not a show, just a group of people hanging out, relaxed. Our interaction was reserved and guarded but clearly signs of attraction were being displayed, possibly indicating how I feel about things now, makes sense…

The second dream was just odd, it was completely realistic yet I woke up in the bed with it exactly how I went to sleep on it. cleanly made, no towels wrapped around me and absolutely freezing.

The dream with tom makes sense. I needed to go somewhere to get something and he was there to help like he always was, but exerting some extreme sense of control around me. Not happy that I was not doing things his way, he flipped out on me. Makes sense. Dumb. More so I think the fact that the surroundings were so vivid is even more important. Part of the place was my old townhouse when Joe and I lived together in Kenmore. A kitchen where I knew the placement of each appliance. Pastel green couches that my Aunt has. I’ve seen the staircase before or will see it soon…

The other night I had a weird dream too. I had both sides of my nose pierced with big spiral hoops in them with yellow studs on the outside ends. It was night time. I was dressed somewhat “DnB/Raver/Punk Rock” walking down the streets of London. I can’t recall if I was with anyone. There was a big building similar to the library that I used to go to church in, but reset in London at night with the damp cobblestone streets. As I was walking a police car pulls up and to officers get out and start harassing me. I felt in danger so I hurried myself into the building where they proceeded to give chase. After fleeing through flights of stairs I was caught by them (for which I did nothing wrong) I recall them leading my (pulling me) by grabbing my nose rings and my hair. I remember feeling immense amounts of pain and following for fear of them ripping them out. I don’t recall the finer details but I remember them basically beating the living hell out of me and then just leaving. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I honestly believe I was actually walking home from a show or some event, and they were just looking for something to do. Fucking odd. I am not quite sure how to explain this. It could possibly be an analogy for me feeling like I get the brunt end of peoples negativity for no reason sometimes, because they are bored and looking for something to do, and using me as a scapegoat has been a common occurrence in the past and as well as since I’ve started to come into my own it terms of my personal success.

I wonder what the next one will be… I went for a few weeks or so without recalling any of my dreams and now it seems like I’m working over time trying to make up for lost adventures or my imagination has been started into over activeness. Probably with all my over analyzing of things as of late my subconscious is trying to find an outlet for it all as well as make sense of what is in my head. Rational or not…

I am absolutely irritated and completely uninspired right now. And it just compounds upon my irritation to the point where I’m just pissy.
I tried making tunes, I tried painting. I’m attempting writing now and I’m sure it will be just as much of a failed attempt tonight as the last two creative endeavors…
I would like to… I honestly am not even sure what I need right now to sort all this mess in my head out. My habit of over analyzing seems to have gotten the best of me tonight.
I feel useless. though I know I’m not. Which makes it that much more lame.
I can’t even sing because I lost my voice… I feel the need to be expressive and I’ve got nothing… Nothing seems to manage to find its way out of my head to translate and become an outlet…

Weird. Just… odd…
The past week has been rather interesting. Energy has been high strung and rather strenuous from a multitude of different directions. Patience has been ever present, but that’s because there is honestly not much else of a choice.
Words whisper softly in my ear. Dreams of Sockeye salmon Nigiri and hot hair balloon rides over Paris… at least I think it might have been Paris, Montmarte to be a bit more specific. If its even relevant. Focus, distraction. I’ve got a million thoughts racing through my head, a million different ways. A place I’d like to be. A person I’d like to see. I quite dislike not being able to read body language or even an vocal inflection. Cest la vie. Communication is only partly the words that are being spoken in some instances, quite often a lot of it comes from what isn’t being said.
Some things are rather inexplicable in life. I’ve come to realize this even more so in the past month and some odd days. Being compelled in my life to change for what I think is the better, has been met with resistance from peers, onlookers, and even closer friends. But there has also been a great deal of support and encouragement from the people who do seem to understand my point of view, and the events that have lead up to this and transpired since.

Thinking leads to over analyzing leads to doubt leads to regret (in some cases)
Sometimes its best when you get the idea, to go for it. Be aware of what you want and what it takes to get it and be prepared to take risks to get it.

There is a boy in my class who has moose on his boxers. Not that I was looking, they just happen to be bright yellow and rather close. 4 glasses of wine makes you send music to people then wonder if it was truly a good idea. “Babe” when drunk should be avoided at all costs. The virtues of a slightly (okay, not so slightly) intoxicated mind are sorely lacking.
Upon walking, feeling somewhat convoluted in an attempt to recount the minute details of the night. Automatic pilot: Wash face (washing off the night before), Feeble effort at dressing myself with something that remotely (albeit pathetic) resembles matching. Stumble to the cafe, latte: check[x]. Lumber to class under the weight a laptop, newsprint and 100lb stock tablet paper.
Rinse, and hopefully not repeat… at least for another week.

Tuesdays are never a good idea.

I want someone to draw me while I’m sleeping.
I want someone to gently trace my body with their fingers to wake me up.
I want breakfast in bed.
I want to be blindfolded and taken somewhere new, somewhere outside.
I want someone to take candid shots of me in my element.
I want to be kissed in the rain.
I want to hold hands in the shadows of tall buildings.
I want to listen to loud angry music with a smile on my face.
I want someone to speak to me with their eyes.
I want to travel with the wind in my hair, almost too fast to breathe.
I want someone to walk by and softly touch the small of my back while they do so.

Maybe not just anyone…

God.
Stop being so fucking selfish.