I didn’t need anyone else, because I had him.
I didn’t care what anyone else had to say, because I had him.
It made no different what anyone thought, Because I had him.
Masking insecurity in a relationship probably. Defining myself by the success of it.
It was so long ago, funny how I’m finally realizing it now.

I am selfish to a point, aren’t we all? Self preservation is instinctual.

I wonder why I waste time on people who aren’t willing to waste some on me. Who’s acceptance I have to work for, rather than have a symbiotic bond with. Someone I feel I have to win over. I have a need to have everyone like me, I know this because I can pick it up easily in others and envy the lack of that attribute in the rest. Why I willing go back to people who have burned me before. What do I gain from it? Some sense of accomplishment when I go for an undetermined amount of time without rocking the boat?
Why the fuck would anyone do that? It seems ridiculous. Clearly, it is.

Change isn’t instantaneous. Evolution. Maybe there is some lag time between my realizations to my implementation process. Or maybe that’s just normal. Typically of me to assume something is broken. Not bad, just a noted pattern that should be broken.
I’m going to be alright, at least I’ll tell myself that. Change is painful and this hurts like hell. I can just hold on to the hope that beyond all this bullshit and turmoil there is something positive on the other side. The Flipside.

I want to get to a point where I will be able to accept and be okay with parting ways. Where I realize I’ve done nothing wrong, there have simply been conflicts of interests or bad connections. Revolving doors.

Some days are better than others.